A Reply to Myself

I wrote that last entry kind of on an impulse. Everything in it is true, but nevertheless it was an impulsive composition.

But when I read through it again yesterday, it was like my mind recoiled from the words that I was reading. As though just the essence of the idea of "relapsing" made something in me take notice and say "really?" And instead of feeling angry, I felt a sense of relief probably for the first time EVER that I am just fine the way I am now-- which is to say, healthy (other than this damn cough/cold >;p).

So I found it interesting when I was re-reading an issue of Tricycle that night and came across a short article about the concept of Juingong; one's underlying mind. But it's more than just a rational, thinking mind, instead it is described as one's foundation, as "the unconditional love [and compassion] bodhisattvas have for all beings." And what struck me is that the article went on to say that a thought from one's Juingong is "free of any sense of the notion 'I raised a thought.'" It just freely crops up. That is much more like what I experienced when I reread my last entry and when I sat down and thought about what I said. *

Maybe all this crazy Buddhist stuff hasn't been for naught! :p

Well, I would write more, but I have to work 12 to freaking 9 today, and I have things to do before then. See you all laterz.


*The history student in me said I should go back and cite my quotes. They are from the article "Thinking Big" by Daehaeng Kun Sunim, pgs 16-17 in Tricycle's Winter 2008 edition. FIN