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Hi everyone. So sorry that I haven't written, but I've been trying to. I even started writing a few entries, thought them over and then deleted them. The past few days have just been that way, I guess.

Why is it so hard to remember. . .?

I've put this idea out there before, but here it is again:

"Waking up this morning, I smile.
Twenty-four brand new hours are before me.
I vow to live fully in each moment
and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion." (Hanh, 102).

I've been wicked struggling with this lately. The worst part is, nothing's really happened to make me feel so grumpy and easily bothered again.

Part of it is just the same old problem of feeling frustrated and alone. I cling to those feelings without even meaning to because I've dealt with them for so long. I'm used to dwelling in a constant state of misery.

But I know that that does not take care of myself in anyway and by turning myself inward, I sure as hell can't help anyone else. It's a bad (but familiar) way of escaping the present moment in which things are fine. Just cuz I'm not used to things being "fine."

I cling very tightly to how I've been treated in the past by others. Then it's easy to throw a barrier up between myself and the world because I can point to the past and say "look at how I've been hurt before." Hell, I can't even join a group in WoW without being severely insecure. The one time I did an instance with other people, I couldn't wait to get out. :/

It's important to keep in mind that everything is always changing and the best way to go into any situation is free of any preconceived notions. It can be so much easier said than done, I know (and again, lately I've not even been taking my own advice). But consider this: every moment is a possible new beginning. Even if the rest of your day has sucked, you can take a breath right now and start again. Then if you tense back up 2 minutes from now, you can take another deep breath and go back to relaxation, as many times as you need to. Seriously, life is too short to go around being tense or upset by petty things. Be mindful of whatever you are doing in your present moment. That's all there is to it.

For example, I'm going to be mindfully playing World of Warcraft. Take that! :P