Non-Harming

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe "not being angry" will not be the hardest precept to uphold. Maybe that of non-harming is the most difficult.

For although this precept certainly refers to obvious things like murder or physically hurting other people and living things, oneself is also included in the equation. Furthermore, non-harming does not just encompass physical aspects, but mental and emotional aspects, too. See, one of the other main ideas of Buddhism is the interconnectedness of everything-- there is no separate "Self." So in a way, hurting oneself also negatively effects others. Makes sense if you think about it.

I have a hard time dealing with this in many forms. Thanks to an abundance of candy and chocolate everywhere lately, I've definitely been snacking on junk more often than I think I should. I have a lot of healthy eating magazines and books with good meal plans for those times when I'm really lost, but I'll read them and think "too much work, I'm not worthy," which ultimately leads to more junk food and more bad feelings. Then a few days ago I had my first "slip" in awhile, if you will, and that brought a whole host of physical problems rushing right back, which have been making daily life more painful and annoying.

I know a part of the problem is that my brain is not willing to give up the identity that comes with having that problem yet. It's like an icy hand occasionally grabs all my insides and says "Yo, I'm still here."

So it's obvious that those bad habits hurt myself in a multitude of ways. How do they hurt others? Well, I know for certain that I crawl more into myself and become more introverted and less patient because I don't feel well. That makes me less pleasant to be around. I also have to be a bit secretive which is not good, because I like being generally honest. And I know it hurts Travis because he has been here through the bad times and I know he doesn't want a slip to turn into that again.

But I also think harming myself has an effect on a bigger scale, thanks to that whole interconnected thing. Think of all the people and animals that had a hand in the creation and distribution of that food to you. Think of the fact that your ancestors, parents and even future children are all a part of you right now. Would you treat any of them in the same way? Would you want them to treat themselves that way? Probably not.

Remember, I'm not even asking you to agree with me. This is my point of view. I'm not trying to stuff anything down your throat. This is just one way of looking at things.

And I decided last year that I do not want to be that type of person anymore. I would rather be a role model, a good example than just another one of the masses. I can do this by going back to mindfulness of the present moment. So yeah, I messed up-- that was a few days ago. That moment is over and done with; it is not now. Dwelling is a form of grasping, which as I mentioned before, leads to suffering. In the present moment, all is generally okay. And if I am not happy now, then when? This makes it easier to be compassionate or just plain nicer to people-- non-harming the self, non-harming others. The desire will not even be there.

Yeah, I've got more to say, but it's almost time for work. Woohoo, hah.