It Pokes Its Evil Head In And Says

"I'm still here."

It crawls up from my stomach, towards my brain. My mind is what it seeks.

"Working tonight? Perfect."

There's no reasoning with it.

"Too bad, feeling," I try to tell it. "You might not be here by then. I'll be too busy, you'll go away. And why are you here in the first place? I did everything I set out to do this week and I can't think of anything that's going wrong right now. And I plan on having a good dinner tonight, leftover bean soup from yesterday and a whole grain roll. What's your deal?"

"There doesn't have to be a reason," is its reply, and it sends a jolt of adrenaline through my innards as a reminder.

I can only hope this feeling goes away by tonight. Like I've said, sometimes being at work helps improve my mood, and although this isn't exactly a mood problem, maybe it'll help get my mind away from its current train of thought.

You know, sometimes in Buddhism unwholesome states of mind are referred to as "fetters" because they really can act like chains, holding us to harmful thought patterns and actions. Although they recommend dissapating such states through diverting attention, cultivating the opposite quality and reasoning, if all else fails, it's recommended that you "crush" the fetter with all your might. In the words of the Buddha, it's to be "like a strong man might crush a weaker man." (Gunaratana 170) If gritting one's teeth and thinking sharply, "NO!" is what works, then so be it.

So yeah, bad feelings, if you don't go away peacefully I might have to get forceful. We'll see. >_<