Blame work for why I didn't blog last night. It was okay, just fricken boring as usual. Even Wayne admitted there was nothing for us to do but face and vacuum. Good thing I'm reading (haha, I just started to write eating) War and Peace. Yes, the long, long novel War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. I'm insane, haha.
So, what's new. . . .not too much. Still waiting to hear from URI. Just a few months ago I was still feeling unsure that I was making the right decision by going for a Library Science degree, but I feel a lot surer about it now. As I've said, if I don't get accepted, I'm going to spend about 4 months volunteering at Kripalu. I'll need to be surrounding by a peaceful, calming place if I don't get into grad school, believe me. :p
Also, I think my pinched nerve is acting up again. At least I think that's what is bothering me. All I know is that I woke up a few mornings ago with awful pain and stiffness in my neck and right shoulder. It's lessened a little since then, but it's still not great. If it still hurts by next week, I may have to suck up the $120 and go to the doctor (yay for having insurance that my doctor doesn't accept!) though I'm not too sure what she could do for it.
It's not so bad that it's disrupting my life though. It was delivery day at work and of course I had no way of getting out of carting totes around. I still to my riding lesson yesterday too, because going 2 weeks without riding hurts my soul. ;0
Speaking of, still not sure what I want to do as far as staying at this barn. I like my instructor just fine, though I will admit she is a different type of instructor from what I'm used to. She lets me do a lot of riding on my own, figuring out what I need to do, which is good in one way. But then sometimes I feel like she should/could be giving me more feedback or telling me exactly what I should be concentrating on.
I also love the beasties that I ride. ^__^ They're definitely not run-down old nags, but they're also not the super well-trained, fancy horses I got used to riding in Virginia. If anything, they are horses that have a lot of potential, but just need more training. Unfortunately, since 98% of the people who ride them are beginners, it's hard for that to happen. And this is why I need my own horse again, haha. No, but seriously, riding horses like that is actually a good thing because you learn to become a better rider. For that reason, I'm glad to be riding horses like Blaze and Dandy and not necessarily the perfect $100,000 VI horses.
BUT, at the same time, I think I would like to get more into dressage this year. Just low levels, nothing crazy, but I'm not sure that the horses I ride at this current farm are even up to Introductory level. Not that I plan on competing ($$$) but it would also be something we could incorporate into lessons. The only barn that isn't in northern RI that specializes in dressage is in Coventry though, and I wouldn't consider that "close." I would have to spend more time getting there, more money on gas, and possibly more money on the lessons themselves, but I would be able to do more legit dressage.
The only other solution is if I were able to ride one of the barn horses more than once a week. One of the horses I ride definitely has the potential to do low level work, but he gets used for lessons pretty often and I wouldn't want to make him sour from overuse (which does happen). Other than that is just plain the money factor. Doing one lesson a week is affordable, but I can't shell out too much more each week. Fortunately, it'll be quite some time before the weather warms up and I'll *really* want to ride more. Hopefully I can work out something.
And that's it.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Kick Me in the Ass Please
Here's the deal.
Travis' aunt and uncle were kind enough to give us an $80 gift card for All That Matters. I had been wanting to take yoga classes again anyway, but couldn't afford it with horseback riding, so I was pretty glad. I figured I'd use part of it towards a series and Travis could use the other part. But someone I know let me go ahead and use the whole thing, so I bought a Yoga Pass, so I can take whatever 10 classes over the next few weeks. Sweet. But I would really like to supplement those by practicing at home.
When we had the apartment last year, it was easy. There was enough space in front of the hamster cage to do what I needed to do, as well as a bit of wall that was useful for Legs-Up-The-Wall pose and the couch for practicing a modified Plow. But now I think I'd have to use either the laundry room (that's where I'm typing this from), which isn't a very conductive atmosphere, or the upstairs living room, which I don't think is quite large enough. I don't know. That's my first excuse.
My second excuse is that I've already got a set morning routine. When I'm not working in the morning I wake up, eat breakfast and have coffee. I sit at my computer and do some crossword puzzles on Yahoo! and read several web sites and forums to see what's new. Then I'll take a shower, get dressed for the day ahead and usually head out somewhere. Or I'll stay in the bedroom and read. Or I'll play World of Warcraft. I'm very big on routines and I rarely change my habits unless I literally cannot do otherwise. That's how I've given up everything I've given up. . .because I just couldn't do whatever without their being some kind of weird/bad consequences.
Right now I feel that the only plus to doing yoga every day, by myself, is that I'll be better prepared for the classes. I swear horseback riding uses every OPPOSITE muscle, because I'm much better at riding than a few months ago, but can't stretch worth anything. I don't know. I feel like my routine grounds me and I'm already pretty relaxed and better in tune with myself, so although the *idea* of daily yoga sounds nice, I don't know how to motivate myself to do it.
Other bits:
-I went to Trader Joe's for the first time ever a few days ago and OH MY GOD I have another favorite store! I just looked around, but I want to head back there this weekend to actually shop. That place looks dangerous!
-I seem to be throwing out bad karma all over the place lately. I had my first real road rage incident in forever just the other night (I cannot STAND when people pass me on 2 lane roads when I'm already going well over the speed limit. Just thinking about it makes me SO ANGRY V_V) and yesterday I found myself just actively avoiding customers all day and being annoyed when someone would bother me. I guess that's not too weird, but I've been trying not to be that way.
Nah, I guess that's it for now.
Travis' aunt and uncle were kind enough to give us an $80 gift card for All That Matters. I had been wanting to take yoga classes again anyway, but couldn't afford it with horseback riding, so I was pretty glad. I figured I'd use part of it towards a series and Travis could use the other part. But someone I know let me go ahead and use the whole thing, so I bought a Yoga Pass, so I can take whatever 10 classes over the next few weeks. Sweet. But I would really like to supplement those by practicing at home.
When we had the apartment last year, it was easy. There was enough space in front of the hamster cage to do what I needed to do, as well as a bit of wall that was useful for Legs-Up-The-Wall pose and the couch for practicing a modified Plow. But now I think I'd have to use either the laundry room (that's where I'm typing this from), which isn't a very conductive atmosphere, or the upstairs living room, which I don't think is quite large enough. I don't know. That's my first excuse.
My second excuse is that I've already got a set morning routine. When I'm not working in the morning I wake up, eat breakfast and have coffee. I sit at my computer and do some crossword puzzles on Yahoo! and read several web sites and forums to see what's new. Then I'll take a shower, get dressed for the day ahead and usually head out somewhere. Or I'll stay in the bedroom and read. Or I'll play World of Warcraft. I'm very big on routines and I rarely change my habits unless I literally cannot do otherwise. That's how I've given up everything I've given up. . .because I just couldn't do whatever without their being some kind of weird/bad consequences.
Right now I feel that the only plus to doing yoga every day, by myself, is that I'll be better prepared for the classes. I swear horseback riding uses every OPPOSITE muscle, because I'm much better at riding than a few months ago, but can't stretch worth anything. I don't know. I feel like my routine grounds me and I'm already pretty relaxed and better in tune with myself, so although the *idea* of daily yoga sounds nice, I don't know how to motivate myself to do it.
Other bits:
-I went to Trader Joe's for the first time ever a few days ago and OH MY GOD I have another favorite store! I just looked around, but I want to head back there this weekend to actually shop. That place looks dangerous!
-I seem to be throwing out bad karma all over the place lately. I had my first real road rage incident in forever just the other night (I cannot STAND when people pass me on 2 lane roads when I'm already going well over the speed limit. Just thinking about it makes me SO ANGRY V_V) and yesterday I found myself just actively avoiding customers all day and being annoyed when someone would bother me. I guess that's not too weird, but I've been trying not to be that way.
Nah, I guess that's it for now.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
New Post. . . Tomorrow!
Sorry I haven't posted in the past few days. Last night I fell asleep WICKED early and the night before that I was distracted by a little thing called World of Warcraft. ._. haha
However I will say that I got an email from the Library Science secretary stating that all the parts of my application were received. So now all I can do is wait. AUGH.
Til tomorrow. . .
However I will say that I got an email from the Library Science secretary stating that all the parts of my application were received. So now all I can do is wait. AUGH.
Til tomorrow. . .
Monday, January 12, 2009
Mid-Morning Check In
How am I doing today?
- "Yay" I get to go to work for 8 hours. And for 7 of those hours it will just be me and a cashier, which means I'll be running around like a madwoman because it's Monday. And Mondays are the new Tuesdays, apparently.
But you know what I tell myself about work? It's a great chance to practice mindfulness and equanimity. For the most part, people are okay. It's usually just a couple of times a day when someone's a bitch and I just have to shake my head and wonder what would cause someone to *be* like that.
Then I remember a big principle of Buddhism; that everything and everyone are interconnected. We all go through the same ups and down of life. Thing is, some people just never learn to deal with what life throws at them constructively.They turn everything around into being someone else's fault, or maybe they don't even realize that how they are behaving *is* unskillful. And then of course, some people are just bastards and they know it, but whatever. That's the spice of life, haha. So that's why, whenever someone is totally unreasonable, I don't take it personally. If you get that easily rattled over us not having the toothpaste that's on sale, I kinda feel bad for you. Life must suck when you go around being so easily bothered by every little thing. Sometimes I secretly wish these people well; sometimes I just wish they would go to CVS. :)
-Feeling nervy about grad school. If I don't get in, then maybe Library Science isn't what I'm supposed to be doing. I believe in that sort of thing. I don't know. I just hope I find out sooner rather than later so I can plan my next step.
-Pissed because I'm not hungry and it's almost lunch time. It's taken me a long time to regain hunger cues, so I don't like the idea of eating even when I don't want anything. But I know I can't go until 5 or so tonight without anything more than a snack. I'll have to hop out to Belmont before the other manager leaves and grab soup and a roll or something.
-Feeling a little lazy too. I wanted to do some yoga this morning, but Mah Jong called way too loudly. :p Doing a little bit of yoga everyday is something I would like to start doing. The hardest part is going to be just *doing* it, haha.
That's all for now. Maybe I'll write after work, but chances are I'll be playing WoW instead. O_o heh
- "Yay" I get to go to work for 8 hours. And for 7 of those hours it will just be me and a cashier, which means I'll be running around like a madwoman because it's Monday. And Mondays are the new Tuesdays, apparently.
But you know what I tell myself about work? It's a great chance to practice mindfulness and equanimity. For the most part, people are okay. It's usually just a couple of times a day when someone's a bitch and I just have to shake my head and wonder what would cause someone to *be* like that.
Then I remember a big principle of Buddhism; that everything and everyone are interconnected. We all go through the same ups and down of life. Thing is, some people just never learn to deal with what life throws at them constructively.They turn everything around into being someone else's fault, or maybe they don't even realize that how they are behaving *is* unskillful. And then of course, some people are just bastards and they know it, but whatever. That's the spice of life, haha. So that's why, whenever someone is totally unreasonable, I don't take it personally. If you get that easily rattled over us not having the toothpaste that's on sale, I kinda feel bad for you. Life must suck when you go around being so easily bothered by every little thing. Sometimes I secretly wish these people well; sometimes I just wish they would go to CVS. :)
-Feeling nervy about grad school. If I don't get in, then maybe Library Science isn't what I'm supposed to be doing. I believe in that sort of thing. I don't know. I just hope I find out sooner rather than later so I can plan my next step.
-Pissed because I'm not hungry and it's almost lunch time. It's taken me a long time to regain hunger cues, so I don't like the idea of eating even when I don't want anything. But I know I can't go until 5 or so tonight without anything more than a snack. I'll have to hop out to Belmont before the other manager leaves and grab soup and a roll or something.
-Feeling a little lazy too. I wanted to do some yoga this morning, but Mah Jong called way too loudly. :p Doing a little bit of yoga everyday is something I would like to start doing. The hardest part is going to be just *doing* it, haha.
That's all for now. Maybe I'll write after work, but chances are I'll be playing WoW instead. O_o heh
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Vata Power!
So as I said last time, I am big into Ayurveda-- something that usually makes people scratch their head and ask "what the hell is that?"
Ayurveda is a traditional, natural healing system from ancient India. Everyone is made up of three different doshas (energy)-- vata, pitta, and kapha-- but in most people, one or two of these predominate. For example: vata is the energy of mobility, and is associated with things cold, dry, and light. As a predominantly vata person, I am very easily bothered by cold, windy weather, I often have problems with a dry throat/skin, and my natural reaction to stress is to get anxious and shaky.
Once you've determined which dosha you fall under, there are several guidelines that it's recommended you follow to keep yourself healthy and content. The overarching idea of all Ayurvedic treatments is that like increases like, so, naturally, the best way to take care of something is to do or create the opposite condition. Travis, who is mostly a pitta constitution, has a hard time in the summer because internal heat is one of the main aspects of pitta. Meanwhile, I think it's cold if the temperature is below 80 degrees. :p So, when the weather is the way it has been, cold and snowy and windy and gross, I have to do my best to stay warm, comfortable, and hydrated. Bundling up in warm clothes is obviously one easy way. I've also been doing an oil massage before showering, which is recommended for everyone but especially vatas, for improving circulation, inducing a sense of calm, and hydrating the skin. Diet is also important, with vatas needing an emphasis on warm, cooked foods, like whole grains and thick soups.
You may be sitting there thinking I've gone off the deep end (too late for that, I jumped off a long time ago :p), but if you think about it, Ayurveda's approach to maintaining health is all common sense. And I've noticed that when I fall off the wagon, I definitely notice a difference in how I'm feeling.
Yesterday was a good example. I had my usual breakfast of coffee and a whole wheat bagel with Nutella and peanut butter. This isn't the most vata-settling meal (caffeine is a big no-no), but routine is very important to my dosha and guess what-- this is my usual morning-when-I'm-not-working routine. So I had that and then I wasn't very hungry again before I went to work, so I didn't have a real lunch. At work, I snacked on almonds (good for vata) and dried veggies (dried anything is very bad) and then later Chex Mix (also dry/rough, also bad) and a Cadbury Creme Egg (chocolate is fine in small amounts). I was fine until about 7:30, and then I started to get shaky, weak and slightly nauseous-- like I was having a hypoglycemic moment. I ate a bunch more Chex Mix just in case, and I felt better enough to get through the rest of the night but still not great. When I got home, I quickly had a very good snack for my constitution, an apple chopped up and heated with ghee, nutmeg, cinnamon, and a few cardamom seeds. To say that I felt better almost instantly is not an understatement. I definitely think I overtaxed my system by eating so much light, dry, rough food and what body was like "wtf?" Today I made an effort to eat a little bit more dosha-friendly, and I've felt fine all day.
I'm hoping to deepen my practice of Ayurveda this year, because I really believe it's worthwhile and helpful on my path to "getting better." There's so much more I could get into, but I don't want to bore you all to tears and that's enough for tonight.
If you'd like to see an example of a dosha quiz, click here. I recommend taking several different tests as well as reading descriptions of the 3 types before deciding what you fall under.
(<>,,<>)
Ayurveda is a traditional, natural healing system from ancient India. Everyone is made up of three different doshas (energy)-- vata, pitta, and kapha-- but in most people, one or two of these predominate. For example: vata is the energy of mobility, and is associated with things cold, dry, and light. As a predominantly vata person, I am very easily bothered by cold, windy weather, I often have problems with a dry throat/skin, and my natural reaction to stress is to get anxious and shaky.
Once you've determined which dosha you fall under, there are several guidelines that it's recommended you follow to keep yourself healthy and content. The overarching idea of all Ayurvedic treatments is that like increases like, so, naturally, the best way to take care of something is to do or create the opposite condition. Travis, who is mostly a pitta constitution, has a hard time in the summer because internal heat is one of the main aspects of pitta. Meanwhile, I think it's cold if the temperature is below 80 degrees. :p So, when the weather is the way it has been, cold and snowy and windy and gross, I have to do my best to stay warm, comfortable, and hydrated. Bundling up in warm clothes is obviously one easy way. I've also been doing an oil massage before showering, which is recommended for everyone but especially vatas, for improving circulation, inducing a sense of calm, and hydrating the skin. Diet is also important, with vatas needing an emphasis on warm, cooked foods, like whole grains and thick soups.
You may be sitting there thinking I've gone off the deep end (too late for that, I jumped off a long time ago :p), but if you think about it, Ayurveda's approach to maintaining health is all common sense. And I've noticed that when I fall off the wagon, I definitely notice a difference in how I'm feeling.
Yesterday was a good example. I had my usual breakfast of coffee and a whole wheat bagel with Nutella and peanut butter. This isn't the most vata-settling meal (caffeine is a big no-no), but routine is very important to my dosha and guess what-- this is my usual morning-when-I'm-not-working routine. So I had that and then I wasn't very hungry again before I went to work, so I didn't have a real lunch. At work, I snacked on almonds (good for vata) and dried veggies (dried anything is very bad) and then later Chex Mix (also dry/rough, also bad) and a Cadbury Creme Egg (chocolate is fine in small amounts). I was fine until about 7:30, and then I started to get shaky, weak and slightly nauseous-- like I was having a hypoglycemic moment. I ate a bunch more Chex Mix just in case, and I felt better enough to get through the rest of the night but still not great. When I got home, I quickly had a very good snack for my constitution, an apple chopped up and heated with ghee, nutmeg, cinnamon, and a few cardamom seeds. To say that I felt better almost instantly is not an understatement. I definitely think I overtaxed my system by eating so much light, dry, rough food and what body was like "wtf?" Today I made an effort to eat a little bit more dosha-friendly, and I've felt fine all day.
I'm hoping to deepen my practice of Ayurveda this year, because I really believe it's worthwhile and helpful on my path to "getting better." There's so much more I could get into, but I don't want to bore you all to tears and that's enough for tonight.
If you'd like to see an example of a dosha quiz, click here. I recommend taking several different tests as well as reading descriptions of the 3 types before deciding what you fall under.
(<>,,<>)
Friday, January 9, 2009
Hello
"Every morning, when we wake up, we have twenty-four brand-new hours to live. What a precious gift! We have the capacity to live in a way that these twenty-four hours will bring peace, joy, and happiness to ourselves and others." Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace is Every Step
2009. Not just a brand new 24 hours, but a brand new year.
The idea was a little daunting at first, as 2008 was the best year I'd had in a long time.
It didn't start out that way, of course. I've always been better at hurting and punishing myself instead of treating myself well. In fact, when I'd read in a book or hear from a therapist about "self-nurturing," the idea didn't make sense to me. I had no idea where to start. Furthermore, I didn't think I deserved to treat myself better. All my problems were self-inflicted, so it was my responsibility to deal with them.
But part of me has always been drawn to health and wellness. Even in my darkest days, I've been a sucker for self-help books. I've also been interested and open to all sorts of spirituality. However, when your overriding core belief is "I suck at life," all those ideas amount to pretty words and ideals. Good for other people, not so applicable to oneself.
I think the turning point came when I spent several days at Kripalu last June. While I was there, the idea of treating myself the way I had been felt downright absurd. While there, I did not let myself worry about anything going on in my life. I threw myself fully into the experience-- yoga classes in the morning, walking meditation in the labrynth, healthy and delicious meals, and quiet time at night in the upstairs lounge, journaling and sipping on rooibos tea.
While there, for the first time, I felt like I *wanted* to change how I was living. I knew it was going to be easier said than done, but after having just 3 more peaceful days than I had had in years, I knew it was possible.
So, what happened?
-I started following Buddhism more closely
-I started following more Ayurvedic principles for my constitution (primarily Vata with a dash of Pitta)
-I owned up to the fact that I NEED meds. Anxiety runs in my family, so trying to deny that my brain chemistry is what it is turns into a no-win situation.
-I took some very scary chances that I knew would ultimately make my life better, ie. calling about riding lessons
But the biggest factor in making 2008 a great year is what's described in the quote up top. Living well is a day to day thing. Sometimes even moment to moment. It's not like my life has been perfect since last June-- I've had some very dark days and a few relapses into old behaviors-- but I find that I *can* get myself back on track now. Before, one bad thing would lead to another and then I'd be on a rocketing downward spiral to some kind of new low. Now, even if it takes a few days, I can pull myself away from the edge.
Another key piece of advice that I got from one of my books is along the same lines; "Reinvent Yourself Daily." Again, I know it's easier said than done, but it's worth taking the chance. Since working on changing my own life, I've gotten these benefits:
-I'm healthier. No random bouts of nausea, no acid reflux, no scary heart palpitations, no near-passing out when I stand up. The list goes on and on.
-I'm less stressed. I know, I keep saying I'm so stressed about grad school, blah blah blah, but I'm not *dwelling* on it like I could be. I used to always have a knot in my stomach about something, but not so anymore.
-My appetite is. . .normal. Weird. I try to eat mostly healthily, but I *always* make time for a chocolate break, haha. And the weird part is, without any effort at all, my weight is actually *lower* than before.
-I'm a little nicer to people. I'm not a "people person" by nature, but my job more or less requires me to crack open my shell. The fact that I'm not constantly stewing in self-loathing makes it easier to be more mindful of how I'm treating others.
And there is more. I started this blog not to bitch about things but to muse about my continuing efforts to make 2009 as good of a year or better than 2008. That is my only overall goal for this year, but I think it's a worthwhile one.
Til next time!
2009. Not just a brand new 24 hours, but a brand new year.
The idea was a little daunting at first, as 2008 was the best year I'd had in a long time.
It didn't start out that way, of course. I've always been better at hurting and punishing myself instead of treating myself well. In fact, when I'd read in a book or hear from a therapist about "self-nurturing," the idea didn't make sense to me. I had no idea where to start. Furthermore, I didn't think I deserved to treat myself better. All my problems were self-inflicted, so it was my responsibility to deal with them.
But part of me has always been drawn to health and wellness. Even in my darkest days, I've been a sucker for self-help books. I've also been interested and open to all sorts of spirituality. However, when your overriding core belief is "I suck at life," all those ideas amount to pretty words and ideals. Good for other people, not so applicable to oneself.
I think the turning point came when I spent several days at Kripalu last June. While I was there, the idea of treating myself the way I had been felt downright absurd. While there, I did not let myself worry about anything going on in my life. I threw myself fully into the experience-- yoga classes in the morning, walking meditation in the labrynth, healthy and delicious meals, and quiet time at night in the upstairs lounge, journaling and sipping on rooibos tea.
While there, for the first time, I felt like I *wanted* to change how I was living. I knew it was going to be easier said than done, but after having just 3 more peaceful days than I had had in years, I knew it was possible.
So, what happened?
-I started following Buddhism more closely
-I started following more Ayurvedic principles for my constitution (primarily Vata with a dash of Pitta)
-I owned up to the fact that I NEED meds. Anxiety runs in my family, so trying to deny that my brain chemistry is what it is turns into a no-win situation.
-I took some very scary chances that I knew would ultimately make my life better, ie. calling about riding lessons
But the biggest factor in making 2008 a great year is what's described in the quote up top. Living well is a day to day thing. Sometimes even moment to moment. It's not like my life has been perfect since last June-- I've had some very dark days and a few relapses into old behaviors-- but I find that I *can* get myself back on track now. Before, one bad thing would lead to another and then I'd be on a rocketing downward spiral to some kind of new low. Now, even if it takes a few days, I can pull myself away from the edge.
Another key piece of advice that I got from one of my books is along the same lines; "Reinvent Yourself Daily." Again, I know it's easier said than done, but it's worth taking the chance. Since working on changing my own life, I've gotten these benefits:
-I'm healthier. No random bouts of nausea, no acid reflux, no scary heart palpitations, no near-passing out when I stand up. The list goes on and on.
-I'm less stressed. I know, I keep saying I'm so stressed about grad school, blah blah blah, but I'm not *dwelling* on it like I could be. I used to always have a knot in my stomach about something, but not so anymore.
-My appetite is. . .normal. Weird. I try to eat mostly healthily, but I *always* make time for a chocolate break, haha. And the weird part is, without any effort at all, my weight is actually *lower* than before.
-I'm a little nicer to people. I'm not a "people person" by nature, but my job more or less requires me to crack open my shell. The fact that I'm not constantly stewing in self-loathing makes it easier to be more mindful of how I'm treating others.
And there is more. I started this blog not to bitch about things but to muse about my continuing efforts to make 2009 as good of a year or better than 2008. That is my only overall goal for this year, but I think it's a worthwhile one.
Til next time!
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