Loggin'. . .
breakfast:
egg and cheese on a spinach bagel
coffee (black, of course)
snack:
1 chocolate mint Clif bar
lunch:
hard to describe. . .a tofu-chicken roll stuffed with beans and corn and maybe cheese? I don't know, but it was good.
2 medjool dates
after work snack:
4 Joe Joes
dinner:
black beans, mixed veggies, salsa and guacamole clump with blue corn chips
I will probably just have an apple heated up with my usual mix of Ayurvedically pleasing spices later.
***********
I have to set up an appointment with my GP withint the next few weeks so I can get a refill of my meds. Although I think what I'm currently on now is fine, I am a little worried about once school starts. I might be time to bump the dosage up as a security measure, just to see what happens.
There's an article in the latest Newsweek about an organization for mentally ill people choosing to live without medication. I don't like being stuck with meds, but if I don't take them, I pretty much can't get out of bed-- and it only gets worse from there. I guess if you have some kind of mania or something like that, you could funnel that energy into creative pursuits or something productive, but that is so not the case with me.
Although-- since getting better on track than I used to be, I find it very, very diffiicult to write fiction like I used to. Those of you who have known me for awhile *know* my never-ending novel (No--Part II!) I still "know" what's going on, if you will, but if I try to sit down and write it. . .forget it. It's very very difficult. In a way, I know that's a good thing because I'm not living vicariously through my characters, but at the same time. . .I miss writing!
Well, I'm gonna stop here, cuz even thinking about this is starting to bring me down. Guess I'll play MahJong til WoW is an option again. :p
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Chhhhhhhhhh
The c is not an accident!
I have no idea what I'm talking about, lol.
Today was not really a good day. I drove to Warwick, hoping Barnes and Noble would have some newer editions of a few magazines, but no such luck. In any case, I found a few things I would have like to buy, but then I reconsidered. I could definitely use the money for other things, so I put everything back. Decisions, decisions.
Then I came home and played WoW. All day. And in the course of all this, I only ate a Prana Bar (like a granola bar, but all raw ingredients) and a double berry scone from Sophie's all day. It is no surprise then why my mood took a nose dive as the afternoon went on. :/ I scarfed down a few snacks (a few dates, some Joe Joes) but didn't eat anything else substantial until right now, after going grocery shopping. I just made a quick, microwaved mix of frozen mixed veggies, seitan, salsa and a glob of guacamole for some savoriness. I threw in a few drops of Frank's Red Hot and then ate it up with organic blue corn chips. Surprise, I already feel better. ~_~
There has been one matter on my mind, however, and that is: I think it may be time for me to switch barns. When I first started riding again, last September, it had tentatively been my plan *anyway* not to stay at this place forever. I simply wanted to get back into riding shape and then I'd make the switch over to a barn that's more advanced.
Well, I think it's that time. There's nothing wrong with this current place, but if I stay here, my riding is *not* going to advance at all. I like my instructor, but she's definitely more used to dealing with beginners and sometimes I feel like she doesn't quite know what to do with me-- I end up making a lot of own instructions (like silently deciding to do Figure 8's or leg yields. . .stuff like that). And you already know I love, love, love the horse that I ride, but poor Dandy is not and never will be capable of doing anything more than a basic walk, trot, and canter. He just never had the training when he was younger to say, move in a dressage frame and it's obvious he gets unhappy when I ask him to. Plus, I wouldn't mind jumping again, as that's what I was primarily into back in the day, and there's only one horse at the barn that is capable of doing so. This barn simply isn't geared towards jumping anyway-- they don't have any real fences or jump standards. . .just a few cavalettis that max out at 18" or so, tops.
I think I know the barn that I want to switch to; I've known several people who have ridden with this trainer and gave her good reviews all around. Plus, lessons are only $10 more for a full hour of riding, so that's a better deal in the long run. So. . .not sure when I'm going to give this place a call and I'm *definitely* not sure how I'm going to leave my current place. Truthfully, I did want to take a few weeks off before we go to Kripalu so I can use what would have been riding money as "vacation money" so maybe after that I can just say that I need to take some time off for financial reasons. . .dunno. I have a feeling it wouldn't be taken well if I came out with my real reason, even though I don't mean any ill will towards anyone there. :\
So, that's my little dilemma of the moment.
This past Saturday evening, Travis and I went to Rhodes on the Pawtuxet in Cranston for the RI Heritage Hall of Fame's banquet. One of the professors we both had, Professor Molloy, was inducted for the contributions he has made as a labor activist, a professor, and a historian. The ceremony was okay. . .sure enough he was the next to last person to be inducted and by that time I was starting to get sleepy, lol. I absolutely think he has earned the accolades and if any of you current URI students have an extra 3 credits you need to use up, I highly recommend taking the History of Labor. I'm not exaggerating when I say that that class was life changing for me. It wasn't a topic I had seriously thought about before and every class had so much food for thought --
and dammit, I gotta go. Will finish at some point!
I have no idea what I'm talking about, lol.
Today was not really a good day. I drove to Warwick, hoping Barnes and Noble would have some newer editions of a few magazines, but no such luck. In any case, I found a few things I would have like to buy, but then I reconsidered. I could definitely use the money for other things, so I put everything back. Decisions, decisions.
Then I came home and played WoW. All day. And in the course of all this, I only ate a Prana Bar (like a granola bar, but all raw ingredients) and a double berry scone from Sophie's all day. It is no surprise then why my mood took a nose dive as the afternoon went on. :/ I scarfed down a few snacks (a few dates, some Joe Joes) but didn't eat anything else substantial until right now, after going grocery shopping. I just made a quick, microwaved mix of frozen mixed veggies, seitan, salsa and a glob of guacamole for some savoriness. I threw in a few drops of Frank's Red Hot and then ate it up with organic blue corn chips. Surprise, I already feel better. ~_~
There has been one matter on my mind, however, and that is: I think it may be time for me to switch barns. When I first started riding again, last September, it had tentatively been my plan *anyway* not to stay at this place forever. I simply wanted to get back into riding shape and then I'd make the switch over to a barn that's more advanced.
Well, I think it's that time. There's nothing wrong with this current place, but if I stay here, my riding is *not* going to advance at all. I like my instructor, but she's definitely more used to dealing with beginners and sometimes I feel like she doesn't quite know what to do with me-- I end up making a lot of own instructions (like silently deciding to do Figure 8's or leg yields. . .stuff like that). And you already know I love, love, love the horse that I ride, but poor Dandy is not and never will be capable of doing anything more than a basic walk, trot, and canter. He just never had the training when he was younger to say, move in a dressage frame and it's obvious he gets unhappy when I ask him to. Plus, I wouldn't mind jumping again, as that's what I was primarily into back in the day, and there's only one horse at the barn that is capable of doing so. This barn simply isn't geared towards jumping anyway-- they don't have any real fences or jump standards. . .just a few cavalettis that max out at 18" or so, tops.
I think I know the barn that I want to switch to; I've known several people who have ridden with this trainer and gave her good reviews all around. Plus, lessons are only $10 more for a full hour of riding, so that's a better deal in the long run. So. . .not sure when I'm going to give this place a call and I'm *definitely* not sure how I'm going to leave my current place. Truthfully, I did want to take a few weeks off before we go to Kripalu so I can use what would have been riding money as "vacation money" so maybe after that I can just say that I need to take some time off for financial reasons. . .dunno. I have a feeling it wouldn't be taken well if I came out with my real reason, even though I don't mean any ill will towards anyone there. :\
So, that's my little dilemma of the moment.
This past Saturday evening, Travis and I went to Rhodes on the Pawtuxet in Cranston for the RI Heritage Hall of Fame's banquet. One of the professors we both had, Professor Molloy, was inducted for the contributions he has made as a labor activist, a professor, and a historian. The ceremony was okay. . .sure enough he was the next to last person to be inducted and by that time I was starting to get sleepy, lol. I absolutely think he has earned the accolades and if any of you current URI students have an extra 3 credits you need to use up, I highly recommend taking the History of Labor. I'm not exaggerating when I say that that class was life changing for me. It wasn't a topic I had seriously thought about before and every class had so much food for thought --
and dammit, I gotta go. Will finish at some point!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
YO
I have stuff to write about, but I don't know if I'll be motivated to before I go to work. Thanks Wayne for putting me on at 2 instead of 4 like Christine used to. >_<.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A Reply to Myself
I wrote that last entry kind of on an impulse. Everything in it is true, but nevertheless it was an impulsive composition.
But when I read through it again yesterday, it was like my mind recoiled from the words that I was reading. As though just the essence of the idea of "relapsing" made something in me take notice and say "really?" And instead of feeling angry, I felt a sense of relief probably for the first time EVER that I am just fine the way I am now-- which is to say, healthy (other than this damn cough/cold >;p).
So I found it interesting when I was re-reading an issue of Tricycle that night and came across a short article about the concept of Juingong; one's underlying mind. But it's more than just a rational, thinking mind, instead it is described as one's foundation, as "the unconditional love [and compassion] bodhisattvas have for all beings." And what struck me is that the article went on to say that a thought from one's Juingong is "free of any sense of the notion 'I raised a thought.'" It just freely crops up. That is much more like what I experienced when I reread my last entry and when I sat down and thought about what I said. *
Maybe all this crazy Buddhist stuff hasn't been for naught! :p
Well, I would write more, but I have to work 12 to freaking 9 today, and I have things to do before then. See you all laterz.
*The history student in me said I should go back and cite my quotes. They are from the article "Thinking Big" by Daehaeng Kun Sunim, pgs 16-17 in Tricycle's Winter 2008 edition. FIN
But when I read through it again yesterday, it was like my mind recoiled from the words that I was reading. As though just the essence of the idea of "relapsing" made something in me take notice and say "really?" And instead of feeling angry, I felt a sense of relief probably for the first time EVER that I am just fine the way I am now-- which is to say, healthy (other than this damn cough/cold >;p).
So I found it interesting when I was re-reading an issue of Tricycle that night and came across a short article about the concept of Juingong; one's underlying mind. But it's more than just a rational, thinking mind, instead it is described as one's foundation, as "the unconditional love [and compassion] bodhisattvas have for all beings." And what struck me is that the article went on to say that a thought from one's Juingong is "free of any sense of the notion 'I raised a thought.'" It just freely crops up. That is much more like what I experienced when I reread my last entry and when I sat down and thought about what I said. *
Maybe all this crazy Buddhist stuff hasn't been for naught! :p
Well, I would write more, but I have to work 12 to freaking 9 today, and I have things to do before then. See you all laterz.
*The history student in me said I should go back and cite my quotes. They are from the article "Thinking Big" by Daehaeng Kun Sunim, pgs 16-17 in Tricycle's Winter 2008 edition. FIN
Monday, April 27, 2009
Still Freaking Sick
Can't think of anything good to write. Is this proof that my post-craziness life = boring?
ETA: I always think things happen for a reason, and I think the timing of this dastardly cold was no accident as I was seriously considering relapsing *just a bit.*
I hate that my coping mechanism/s were taken away from me practically cold turkey and for almost a year, at that! I should be glad, I should be thankful (because I even said myself in my old issue-related blog that I probably wouldn't be able to stop until I completely hit a wall) but even to this day I'm not. I should be, cuz I never would have made such mental and emotional progress as I have if this long respite hadn't happened. I just wish there was a way I could have it all-- but that's what this whole thing's about, eh? @_@
I could list the physical improvements I've seen in myself over the past year, but I feel like that would be giving too much away. Suffice to say, one thing that hasn't gone away are the 12 cavities I accrued over several years. Or how about my last upper left molar that's had so much erosion + dental work it's barely even a tooth anymore? HOT.
Oh, I gotta stop dwelling. So much is wrong about this based on what I believe. . .I don't know how I could justify it to myself anymore. I'm going to eat an apple and call it a night.
ETA: I always think things happen for a reason, and I think the timing of this dastardly cold was no accident as I was seriously considering relapsing *just a bit.*
I hate that my coping mechanism/s were taken away from me practically cold turkey and for almost a year, at that! I should be glad, I should be thankful (because I even said myself in my old issue-related blog that I probably wouldn't be able to stop until I completely hit a wall) but even to this day I'm not. I should be, cuz I never would have made such mental and emotional progress as I have if this long respite hadn't happened. I just wish there was a way I could have it all-- but that's what this whole thing's about, eh? @_@
I could list the physical improvements I've seen in myself over the past year, but I feel like that would be giving too much away. Suffice to say, one thing that hasn't gone away are the 12 cavities I accrued over several years. Or how about my last upper left molar that's had so much erosion + dental work it's barely even a tooth anymore? HOT.
Oh, I gotta stop dwelling. So much is wrong about this based on what I believe. . .I don't know how I could justify it to myself anymore. I'm going to eat an apple and call it a night.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Goodnight, Kapha
So today I decided to eat mostly kapha-pacifying foods, hoping this will make *some* difference in my cold.
For breakfast I had an asian pear and a cup of Throat Coat tea. I also had one Vitamin C chewable tablet.
Lunch was at Applebee's in Warwick. . .I had the Cajun Lime Tilapia with squash, broccoli and carrots plus rice pilaf on the side. Remember, foods to make kapha happy should be light and warm-- I thought this meal fit the bill. Ayurveda is also big on how the *taste* of food can affect doshas. Astringent and pungent foods (such as oh, lime juice and cajun spices) are good for perking up kapha. Veggies are good for all doshas, and although raw veggies are possibly better for kaphas, I needed the extra warmth. A salad today probably wouldn't have been a great idea.
Of course, after eating my main meal I went and threw off the balance completely by having a strawberry cheesecake shooter! Oops, heh. ._.
Since Travis and I went to Trader Joe's today for just a few items, I couldn't help getting some Joe-Joe's, which are basically superior Oreos. And yes, I had a few. But I think I made up for my few kapha-unfriendly slips tonight by making a big pot of kichadi (kichari, same thing). A kitchari is any combination of rice, split mung dal beans, veggies and spices, catered to whatever one's needs are at the moment. The one I made tonight was a warming/lung kichari with lots and lots of spices, a bunch of garlic and just sweet potatoes for a veggie. I had 2 bowls full but luckily I still have plenty left for tomorrow and possibly Monday as well!
I'm not hoping for a miracle, I just hope this cold goes along its merry way relatively quickly. I felt so crappy this morning I even had to cancel my riding lesson, and that's not a decision I take lightly. :p
Well, all for now. See most of you guys soon!
For breakfast I had an asian pear and a cup of Throat Coat tea. I also had one Vitamin C chewable tablet.
Lunch was at Applebee's in Warwick. . .I had the Cajun Lime Tilapia with squash, broccoli and carrots plus rice pilaf on the side. Remember, foods to make kapha happy should be light and warm-- I thought this meal fit the bill. Ayurveda is also big on how the *taste* of food can affect doshas. Astringent and pungent foods (such as oh, lime juice and cajun spices) are good for perking up kapha. Veggies are good for all doshas, and although raw veggies are possibly better for kaphas, I needed the extra warmth. A salad today probably wouldn't have been a great idea.
Of course, after eating my main meal I went and threw off the balance completely by having a strawberry cheesecake shooter! Oops, heh. ._.
Since Travis and I went to Trader Joe's today for just a few items, I couldn't help getting some Joe-Joe's, which are basically superior Oreos. And yes, I had a few. But I think I made up for my few kapha-unfriendly slips tonight by making a big pot of kichadi (kichari, same thing). A kitchari is any combination of rice, split mung dal beans, veggies and spices, catered to whatever one's needs are at the moment. The one I made tonight was a warming/lung kichari with lots and lots of spices, a bunch of garlic and just sweet potatoes for a veggie. I had 2 bowls full but luckily I still have plenty left for tomorrow and possibly Monday as well!
I'm not hoping for a miracle, I just hope this cold goes along its merry way relatively quickly. I felt so crappy this morning I even had to cancel my riding lesson, and that's not a decision I take lightly. :p
Well, all for now. See most of you guys soon!
Friday, April 24, 2009
I've Done It Again
not really again, but whatever.
So I think I may be dealing with a minor kapha imbalance right now. Remember, kapha is one of the three Ayurvedic doshas that everyone has. Kapha has everything to do with dampness and heaviness. It is easily imbalanced in the spring because--surprise-- damp and wet are words that often (and have been!) describe the usual weather. As you may remember, one tenet of Ayurveda is that like increases like. . .and too much of a dosha can cause sickness.
For the past few days I've been sleepy and overall run-down and I have an annoying tickle in my throat due to post-nasal drip and mucus. Yum. I've also been a little headachy. Guess what common symptoms are of kapha imbalance? You guessed it-- sluggishness, headaches and excess mucus.
It's probably something I should have seen coming, because I've also been eating the worst kapha aggravating diet ever-- cold drinks, lots of dairy, a lot of fatty processed foods and lots o' chocolate. All that, combined with the weather, was really just asking for it. So what should I probably be doing instead?
-Ginger tea. One of my texts recommends either a ginger-cinnamon-lemongrass mix or ginger-cinnamon-cardamom, but with honey. It is also recommended to boil 1 tsp of ginger in a pint of water and inhale the steam.
-Nose drops made of liquified ghee. About 4 in each nostril.
-Stick to hot water drinks.
-NO dairy. NO cold drinks (as I sip an iced coffee with skim milk ~_~)
-Rest and stay warm as much as possible.
-gentle Sun Salutations
-Breath of Fire and/or Alternate Nostril breathing
And following a kapha SOOTHING diet of light, dry, warm food can only help too.
If only I weren't working today, cuz I'm unfortunately out of a lot of *good* things that would help me accomplish this. Luckily I have tomorrow off, so I'll have to find time to make a nice big pot of kitchari.
And that's your lesson for today!
So I think I may be dealing with a minor kapha imbalance right now. Remember, kapha is one of the three Ayurvedic doshas that everyone has. Kapha has everything to do with dampness and heaviness. It is easily imbalanced in the spring because--surprise-- damp and wet are words that often (and have been!) describe the usual weather. As you may remember, one tenet of Ayurveda is that like increases like. . .and too much of a dosha can cause sickness.
For the past few days I've been sleepy and overall run-down and I have an annoying tickle in my throat due to post-nasal drip and mucus. Yum. I've also been a little headachy. Guess what common symptoms are of kapha imbalance? You guessed it-- sluggishness, headaches and excess mucus.
It's probably something I should have seen coming, because I've also been eating the worst kapha aggravating diet ever-- cold drinks, lots of dairy, a lot of fatty processed foods and lots o' chocolate. All that, combined with the weather, was really just asking for it. So what should I probably be doing instead?
-Ginger tea. One of my texts recommends either a ginger-cinnamon-lemongrass mix or ginger-cinnamon-cardamom, but with honey. It is also recommended to boil 1 tsp of ginger in a pint of water and inhale the steam.
-Nose drops made of liquified ghee. About 4 in each nostril.
-Stick to hot water drinks.
-NO dairy. NO cold drinks (as I sip an iced coffee with skim milk ~_~)
-Rest and stay warm as much as possible.
-gentle Sun Salutations
-Breath of Fire and/or Alternate Nostril breathing
And following a kapha SOOTHING diet of light, dry, warm food can only help too.
If only I weren't working today, cuz I'm unfortunately out of a lot of *good* things that would help me accomplish this. Luckily I have tomorrow off, so I'll have to find time to make a nice big pot of kitchari.
And that's your lesson for today!
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