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So please stalk me over there now. ^__^
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I will Probably Delete This But
I'm annoyed at the tooth situation (can't get it extracted til the middle of JULY), I'm annoyed at people who insist on commenting on my weight and I think the best thing to do is just get this off my chest.
The most frustrating thing is that I am fully responsible for the state of my teeth.
I used to have great teeth. My very picky hygenist even used to compliment me, saying that I obviously took good care of them. Going to the dentist for a cleaning was always quick and easy. I had a couple of minor cavities back when I was younger, but for the most part, no problems. Nothing to worry about.
Then. . .things changed.
Here's the bombshell, kids.
From 2000 to 2008 I dealt with all kinds of eating related problems. From 2003 on, that largely meant purging. I was NOT bulimic because bingeing was not much my thing, but normal sized meals and snacks? Anywhere from a few times a day to just a couple of times a week, that ice cream/cous cous and veggie mix/sushi/egg and cheese sandwich/you name it was bound to see the light of day again, and soon.
It's not even so much that I was doing it to lose weight. I was never quite efficient enough for that. It was just something I didn't think I could do, so it became its own perverse little challenge-- I was going to show my body who was boss. After it was obvious that I *could* it was so ingrained as a habit, and I'm sure chemically, that I could not quit. Literally nothing was safe to eat, not even salad if I ate "too much" of it.
Well, as you can imagine, this caused a lot of physical problems, but the destruction of my teeth has been the most lasting. A lot of purgers swig mouthwash afterwards to get rid of some of the acid, but not me. I didn't *want* a clean bill of health; I wanted someone to notice that something was up.
Yeah. In 2008, I got my "wish" when x-rays showed that I had 12 cavities, noticeable enamel erosion and of course, that misshapen back tooth. I was NOT thrilled; I went back to the apartment and cried. Didn't stop me from throwing up though; a few days later, I was at it again.
Between moving into Travis' family's house (where I'm never alone) and my Kripalu trip last year, I was ready to quit and furthermore, had no choice. There was no magic to the process; at first it was so, so, so hard but eventually I saw that by sticking to my 80% good, 20% junk food ratio, I could keep my weight just fine. There are still things I do not like to eat, but nothing is really off limits. And even before my tooth started acting up, I decided it was pretty much over. The few slips I had made me feel so awful physically that I realize I just wasn't into that anymore. I don't miss constant acid reflux, nor heart palpitations, nor lightheadedness and feeling off-balance all the time.
So sometimes nowadays when people comment on my weight, I get kinda mad because I feel like they may be insinuating that I have a problem when I truly, honestly don't. I've been through a lot and had to work to get to the healthy point I am at now; I am fervently against dieting and all that crap. I am much more inspired by people who eat well, exercise cuz they want to, and realize that there's much more to living than obsessing over all that.
That's it.
The most frustrating thing is that I am fully responsible for the state of my teeth.
I used to have great teeth. My very picky hygenist even used to compliment me, saying that I obviously took good care of them. Going to the dentist for a cleaning was always quick and easy. I had a couple of minor cavities back when I was younger, but for the most part, no problems. Nothing to worry about.
Then. . .things changed.
Here's the bombshell, kids.
From 2000 to 2008 I dealt with all kinds of eating related problems. From 2003 on, that largely meant purging. I was NOT bulimic because bingeing was not much my thing, but normal sized meals and snacks? Anywhere from a few times a day to just a couple of times a week, that ice cream/cous cous and veggie mix/sushi/egg and cheese sandwich/you name it was bound to see the light of day again, and soon.
It's not even so much that I was doing it to lose weight. I was never quite efficient enough for that. It was just something I didn't think I could do, so it became its own perverse little challenge-- I was going to show my body who was boss. After it was obvious that I *could* it was so ingrained as a habit, and I'm sure chemically, that I could not quit. Literally nothing was safe to eat, not even salad if I ate "too much" of it.
Well, as you can imagine, this caused a lot of physical problems, but the destruction of my teeth has been the most lasting. A lot of purgers swig mouthwash afterwards to get rid of some of the acid, but not me. I didn't *want* a clean bill of health; I wanted someone to notice that something was up.
Yeah. In 2008, I got my "wish" when x-rays showed that I had 12 cavities, noticeable enamel erosion and of course, that misshapen back tooth. I was NOT thrilled; I went back to the apartment and cried. Didn't stop me from throwing up though; a few days later, I was at it again.
Between moving into Travis' family's house (where I'm never alone) and my Kripalu trip last year, I was ready to quit and furthermore, had no choice. There was no magic to the process; at first it was so, so, so hard but eventually I saw that by sticking to my 80% good, 20% junk food ratio, I could keep my weight just fine. There are still things I do not like to eat, but nothing is really off limits. And even before my tooth started acting up, I decided it was pretty much over. The few slips I had made me feel so awful physically that I realize I just wasn't into that anymore. I don't miss constant acid reflux, nor heart palpitations, nor lightheadedness and feeling off-balance all the time.
So sometimes nowadays when people comment on my weight, I get kinda mad because I feel like they may be insinuating that I have a problem when I truly, honestly don't. I've been through a lot and had to work to get to the healthy point I am at now; I am fervently against dieting and all that crap. I am much more inspired by people who eat well, exercise cuz they want to, and realize that there's much more to living than obsessing over all that.
That's it.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
The Verdict:
Out, damned tooth!
Yeah. From what I described, my dentist thinks most of the pain is due to a minor infection, but pretty much, it's time for the tooth to go. UNfortunately, since it's my very back molar, he cannot extract it in his office-- I'll need to go to an oral surgeon. In the meantime, I get Amoxycillin for the infection and Vicodin for the pain. Wheeeee.
He gave me a list of nearby oral surgeons, plus there's the one I've already used a long time ago to get my wisdom teeth out that I know is good. Now the trick is finding out who takes my lovely Aetna Dental insurance. Who needs national health care? Certainly not the US! @_@
Anyways, that's the scoop. So I'll still be grumpy in pain for a little while longer.
Yeah. From what I described, my dentist thinks most of the pain is due to a minor infection, but pretty much, it's time for the tooth to go. UNfortunately, since it's my very back molar, he cannot extract it in his office-- I'll need to go to an oral surgeon. In the meantime, I get Amoxycillin for the infection and Vicodin for the pain. Wheeeee.
He gave me a list of nearby oral surgeons, plus there's the one I've already used a long time ago to get my wisdom teeth out that I know is good. Now the trick is finding out who takes my lovely Aetna Dental insurance. Who needs national health care? Certainly not the US! @_@
Anyways, that's the scoop. So I'll still be grumpy in pain for a little while longer.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, etc.
So for the past few days, I have been in a lot of pain, thanks largely to my "rogue tooth." My back left molar is barely even a tooth-- it's about half its normal size and is mostly filling. The last time my dentist did work on it he told me if it started bothering me again, it was either gonna be a root canal or the tooth was gonna have to come out.
Well, it might be that time. Tylenol helps, but not for long (certainly not for 8 hours), I haven't gotten a full night's sleep these few days, and I just feel blah because of the pain. The good thing is that it *doesn't* hurt to eat, even cold stuff is relatively okay. That's the only reason why I think it may NOT be the rogue tooth, but the molar in front of it that's having the issues. Before, when the bad tooth had problems, I couldn't eat on that side at all. I called the dentist this morning, but so far they haven't gotten back to me. I hope they at least call in a prescription for some pain killers for me or something cuz this pretty much sucks.
I'm angry because my teeth are the only things continuing to give me problems although I'm nearly at the 1-year mark, recovery wise (if you've known me forever, you're probably thinking 'it's about time' and if you havent any idea what I'm talking about, sorryz, nothing I really feel like explaining today). Everything else physical that was giving me problems healed up nicely, or at least closely enough to normal that it's only an occasional problem. But I guess teeth don't mend so well. Nothing's going to take away those 12 cavities and I don't know if I'll ever gain back all the enamel I lost, which make my front teeth practically see-through. It's like one last reminder that you can think you have all this control over your body but eventually the body says fuck you and snatches the reins back.Ugh.
Well,the dentist just called as I was typing. They can't see me til Thursday anyway, so I guess it's life as usual til then. >_<
Well, it might be that time. Tylenol helps, but not for long (certainly not for 8 hours), I haven't gotten a full night's sleep these few days, and I just feel blah because of the pain. The good thing is that it *doesn't* hurt to eat, even cold stuff is relatively okay. That's the only reason why I think it may NOT be the rogue tooth, but the molar in front of it that's having the issues. Before, when the bad tooth had problems, I couldn't eat on that side at all. I called the dentist this morning, but so far they haven't gotten back to me. I hope they at least call in a prescription for some pain killers for me or something cuz this pretty much sucks.
I'm angry because my teeth are the only things continuing to give me problems although I'm nearly at the 1-year mark, recovery wise (if you've known me forever, you're probably thinking 'it's about time' and if you havent any idea what I'm talking about, sorryz, nothing I really feel like explaining today). Everything else physical that was giving me problems healed up nicely, or at least closely enough to normal that it's only an occasional problem. But I guess teeth don't mend so well. Nothing's going to take away those 12 cavities and I don't know if I'll ever gain back all the enamel I lost, which make my front teeth practically see-through. It's like one last reminder that you can think you have all this control over your body but eventually the body says fuck you and snatches the reins back.Ugh.
Well,the dentist just called as I was typing. They can't see me til Thursday anyway, so I guess it's life as usual til then. >_<
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Send Me Back to Kripalu!
Hello, everyone! Yeah, I'm back. Kinda wish I wasn't. :p
Travis and I had a good, relaxing time, as expected. It only really rained on our first day and at night, otherwise it was just overcast and kind of cool, but we still got to do some outside things.
Some highlights:
-cooking demo the first night. got a recipe for some awesome pad thai and picked up some other new cooking ideas. I think next time I am going to kidnap the head chef and make him my personal cook. :p haha
-the food. it's just great. i wasn't disappointed by anything I had, and some of the dishes were positively to die for (the whipped yams. . .::drool::)
-my lovely, lovely red rooibos tea. I got the web address for where they get it from and I am DEFINITELY getting some before the weather turns colder this year. I don't even like tea this much, but it is the best one ever.
-got my ayurvedic consultation done and learned that I am Pitta-Vata, not mostly Vata like I had thought (though I *used* to be much more vata, so i wasn't totally off). I learned more about what I should eat more of and what I should avoid and some other recommendations, including an herb to try taking when my stomach starts acting up. It was very interesting and I'm glad I got it done.
-watching travis feed peanuts to the super friendly chipmunks and birds. feels like you're in a Disney movie, lol.
-we finally got another *good* picture of the two of us, and on our 3 year anniversary (6/10).
-walking the labrynth again. I *may* have left a wish/hope for this year just like I did last time. It worked then, maybe it will work this year too. ^__^
-attended a kirtan, which is basically chanting, accompanied by music. Sometimes they got a little repetitious (like 13 minutes of "Ganesha somethingsomething, somethingsomething Ganesha) but overall it was fun and a new experience.
-Speaking of, neither Travis nor I are Hindu at all, but Ganesha was like, the overall theme of the week. He seemed to pop up *everywhere* and I even ended up buying a shirt with him on it, lol.
-MC Yogi. Perhaps the only thing closest to rap that I will listen to. Certainly not your typical yoga music!
-We did not go kayaking as I had kinda hoped, not cuz of the weather but because we were too exhausted from a 5 mile hike that morning! It was not the easiest hike in the world, so it kinda killed Travis and I actually took a nap when we got back to the room, lol. At the top of the mountain though was a really nice view fo the town below, and of course, the other mountains.
-The last workshop we attended was a chakra meditation that could be used to help spark creativity. It was pretty cool and maybe something to try at least a mini version of before I attempt to write from now on.
Well, that's certainly not everything, but I would say that it was another successful Kripalu trip and again, if you're open to those types of things, totally recommend you go. Even a weekend would be a good length of time away. It's just nice to be somewhere where you don't HAVE to do anything and you can run around barefoot all day if you want. :p
We have pictures, but they are all on Travis' camera, so you will just have to wait.
PS-- still considering starting a new, slightly different blog. If I get tomorrow off (or Monday) I may start it then. Of course I will keep you updated. <(^-^)>
Travis and I had a good, relaxing time, as expected. It only really rained on our first day and at night, otherwise it was just overcast and kind of cool, but we still got to do some outside things.
Some highlights:
-cooking demo the first night. got a recipe for some awesome pad thai and picked up some other new cooking ideas. I think next time I am going to kidnap the head chef and make him my personal cook. :p haha
-the food. it's just great. i wasn't disappointed by anything I had, and some of the dishes were positively to die for (the whipped yams. . .::drool::)
-my lovely, lovely red rooibos tea. I got the web address for where they get it from and I am DEFINITELY getting some before the weather turns colder this year. I don't even like tea this much, but it is the best one ever.
-got my ayurvedic consultation done and learned that I am Pitta-Vata, not mostly Vata like I had thought (though I *used* to be much more vata, so i wasn't totally off). I learned more about what I should eat more of and what I should avoid and some other recommendations, including an herb to try taking when my stomach starts acting up. It was very interesting and I'm glad I got it done.
-watching travis feed peanuts to the super friendly chipmunks and birds. feels like you're in a Disney movie, lol.
-we finally got another *good* picture of the two of us, and on our 3 year anniversary (6/10).
-walking the labrynth again. I *may* have left a wish/hope for this year just like I did last time. It worked then, maybe it will work this year too. ^__^
-attended a kirtan, which is basically chanting, accompanied by music. Sometimes they got a little repetitious (like 13 minutes of "Ganesha somethingsomething, somethingsomething Ganesha) but overall it was fun and a new experience.
-Speaking of, neither Travis nor I are Hindu at all, but Ganesha was like, the overall theme of the week. He seemed to pop up *everywhere* and I even ended up buying a shirt with him on it, lol.
-MC Yogi. Perhaps the only thing closest to rap that I will listen to. Certainly not your typical yoga music!
-We did not go kayaking as I had kinda hoped, not cuz of the weather but because we were too exhausted from a 5 mile hike that morning! It was not the easiest hike in the world, so it kinda killed Travis and I actually took a nap when we got back to the room, lol. At the top of the mountain though was a really nice view fo the town below, and of course, the other mountains.
-The last workshop we attended was a chakra meditation that could be used to help spark creativity. It was pretty cool and maybe something to try at least a mini version of before I attempt to write from now on.
Well, that's certainly not everything, but I would say that it was another successful Kripalu trip and again, if you're open to those types of things, totally recommend you go. Even a weekend would be a good length of time away. It's just nice to be somewhere where you don't HAVE to do anything and you can run around barefoot all day if you want. :p
We have pictures, but they are all on Travis' camera, so you will just have to wait.
PS-- still considering starting a new, slightly different blog. If I get tomorrow off (or Monday) I may start it then. Of course I will keep you updated. <(^-^)>
Friday, June 5, 2009
Bad, Bad Blogger
I apologize because that much is true. It's mostly cuz of WoW, yeah, but there have also been plenty of times when I've sat down and started writing, then just deleted the whole thing and walked away. I don't know. Nothing seemed entry-worthy.
Soooooooz, here's the deal: I am most likely not going to be writing again before my trip. When I come back, I am sure I'll have tons to write about, but first I want to kind of revamp how I've been doing this thing. It might require a little more honesty from yours truly but I think it might result in less "almost entries" and more actual writing! I've also been inspired by a lot of the blogs I've been reading on here, based on healthy eating and healthy living. So, I don't know yet if I am just going to redo this blog or start another one entirely, but I'll let you know.
Soooooooz, here's the deal: I am most likely not going to be writing again before my trip. When I come back, I am sure I'll have tons to write about, but first I want to kind of revamp how I've been doing this thing. It might require a little more honesty from yours truly but I think it might result in less "almost entries" and more actual writing! I've also been inspired by a lot of the blogs I've been reading on here, based on healthy eating and healthy living. So, I don't know yet if I am just going to redo this blog or start another one entirely, but I'll let you know.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Warning Post
Hello everyone.
I'm going to write a bit when I get home. First I'm gonna go out, go to the post office, maybe stop by the co-op for a bite to eat, and then I'm gonna go to the barn and give Dandy a carrot. I'm trying not to play WoW *all* day, though it does seem like my paladin is never gonna level up. :p
So, laterz.
I'm going to write a bit when I get home. First I'm gonna go out, go to the post office, maybe stop by the co-op for a bite to eat, and then I'm gonna go to the barn and give Dandy a carrot. I'm trying not to play WoW *all* day, though it does seem like my paladin is never gonna level up. :p
So, laterz.
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